attachment parenting « Embracing My Inner Hippy

{May 16, 2010} My Body – My Beauty

As a woman, I’ve pretty much struggled with my body image most of my life. I have a feeling that most women reading this are nodding their heads in agreement – that they too, have struggled most of their lives as well. How sad is that? We can blame it on the media and the distorted image of beauty that they propel. We can blame it on peer pressure. We can blame it on genetics. We can even blame it on that extra helping of dessert. The cause is not so much important as the solution or rather the resolution.

I’ve always carried extra weight around my middle. That’s just where my family and I carry our baggage. Self consciously, I would always suck in my belly. In other pathetic attempts, I would hide myself in huge tops. I felt inferior to those thinner than me.

Even when I began dating my husband and realized that he thought I was beautiful and loved me exactly the way I was, I still felt like a failure.

Quite honestly, the more I felt like a failure for not falling into society’s ideal of the perfect body, the more I sabotaged myself by emotionally eating. It would temporarily quiet down my feelings of inadequacy.

Then I became pregnant and a lot of wonderful things began happening. My body inside and out was changing as I began to help G-d prepare this miracle for the world. As I realized all that my body was doing, something else changed – I started looking at my body in a new light and started seeing something that was beautiful! As my stomach continued to round, I embraced the changes and often stared at my naked self in the mirror.

After Tangerine’s birth, I continued (and still continue) to love my body. I realize that I carried something so special, something so rare, and something so miraculous inside. I am now, with that same body, nourishing the life of my beautiful daughter.

Is my body perfect? Hardly. But I’m now embracing my imperfections as something so natural and so beautiful.

I continue to exercise and try to eat as healthy as I can. But I no longer hide behind tents – I wear tops that fit me. Most times, I don’t even suck in my belly (some habits are hard to break all together).

When I do start to have a negative feeling about my body image, I just look at my daughter and realize just how beautiful we both are.

So what’s the resolution to poor body image? Is it go out and have a baby? Only if that’s the point you’re at in your life and it’s part of your plan. The real resolution is to realize all that your body can do – even just eating, sleeping, breathing, and circulating blood. We’re all natural and authentic. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than that. Each perceived “flaw” makes us unique. That mole on a cheek, that quirky smile, the droopy breasts and even the flabby stomach – it’s all a part of who we are. It all tells a story. It doesn’t change who we are on the inside. If we embrace ourselves – all of ourselves, how much happier we’ll all be. I hope I can impart this message to my daughter. I hope she learns to love herself and her body. She is a creature of G-d. She is beautiful. She will always be beautiful.

{March 28, 2010} The Journey to a Bath and Learning to Be Late or “The Lessons I Learned Today”

I must warn you that this entry contains graphic descriptions and advise you if you’re weak at heart, to proceed with caution. Miss Tangerine has had a slight constipation problem this week. I think it may have been caused by the applesauce I gave her on Sunday. She had a bowel movement on Saturday. Then her next one wasn’t until Tuesday. However, it wasn’t much at all. So on Wednesday, I pureed up some prunes. I was a little bit over zealous and it turned out to be prune juice, but nonetheless still a prune entrée. Miss T didn’t like the prunes, but then again, I haven’t found any solids that she actually likes. I managed to get a few spoonfuls into her. Having heard the wonders of prunes from several friends’ experiences with their babies, I expected to see results that day. That never happened. So I decided to stop all solids and let the laxative properties of breast milk do it’s “duty”. There was still no poop on Thursday. Friday morning arrives and again, there was still no poop. So Tangerine and I continued with our usual daily activities. After a brief nap, Tangerine and I were getting ready to leave for a 3pm appointment. At 2:40, I smelled that old familiar smell and knew my girl had finally broken the constipation spell! I was so excited – in only a way a mother can get about a child’s poop. I scooped her up and ran with her to the changing table. And that’s when the real fun began. As I took off her pants, she started to scream. My poor girl was in pain and still pooping! It was coming out the consistency of soft serve ice cream. And it was EVERYWHERE. Now, Tangerine has pooped many times all the way up her back and neck – but this was an entirely different beast we were dealing with. No longer just the liquid poop of an all breast milk diet, but now a sticky paste consisting of bites of applesauce, sips of prune juice and tiny gobs of oatmeal mixed in with tons of breast milk. The quicker I cleaned her up, the quicker she pooped. The poop not only was up her back, but down her legs, on her feet, arms and all over me! I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and then I glanced at the clock – 2:55 PM. Yikes, we’d never make the appointment on time. I cleaned Miss T up as best as I could and put on a clean diaper and clothes. I figured she was “clean enough for now” and I could bathe her later. So at 3:02, we walked out of the house to be at our 3:00 destination.

We attended our appointment and then afterwards I made one quick stop at Walgreen’s. When I went to remove T from her car seat, I noticed that she had poop on her face! So with horror and disgust at myself (for not bathing her before we left), I wiped up her face and wore here in my wrap into the store. Not five minutes later, I noticed more poop on her face! I wiped it up again and then realized it was in the crevices of her hands which she was wiping all over her face! Ewww! We ran back to the car and I cleaned off her face and hands and we headed home to the much-needed bath.
Lessons of the day: Never delay a bath and Always Plan to Be Late.

"All Clean"

{March 20, 2010} I’ve Changed the Rules

There is a saying that “A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.” Well, I’ve changed. Or at the very least I’ve changed the rules. Flash back to 2005. Mango and I reconnected after several years, hit it off and started dating. My diet consisted of tons of diet soda, lots of coffee with tons of Equal, high processed and chemical-laden “sugar free/low calorie/fit into my points*” food. I wore expensive high-heeled Coach shoes and other similarly expensive named brand shoes, carried the latest Dooney and Bourke bag, never left the house without my Dolce and Gabbana shades. My face was always fully made up, I always was fully accessorized, and of course my hair had nothing less than a ¼ of a can of hairspray in it. I wore expensive perfume and used luxury scented bath lotions. I was your average raised in the 80’s gal. I was this way all through our courtship and even for almost 2 years of our marriage. Then something changed. Tangerine was born. I began reading and researching absolutely everything. I read both sides of the coin and read testimonies of moms and dads that had “been there, done that”. I felt that gentle parenting/attachment parenting was the only way to parent. So I adopted a lifestyle that includes baby wearing, co-sleeping and extended nursing. I try to be as chemical free as possible and eat organic as much as we can afford. I no longer wear lotions or perfumes. My “bag” is a diaper bag with my wallet thrown in. And shoes are my sneakers so I can run around while wearing my babe. I have a thriving and content almost 9 month old girl. I’m happy and thriving as well. I feel good about my parenting choices and feel that my daughter feels the security that comes along with this style of parenting.

Well, Mango doesn’t fully agree. He’s afraid that Tangerine will always be “attached at my hip” and clingy. He told me that I need to “cut the umbilical cord”. He wants to know when Tangerine will sleep through the night so that we can move her to her own room. He wants to know when I plan to wean her. He wants to know when I’ll stop wearing her. He basically wants to know (though he didn’t say it in so many words) when I’m going to stop parenting like this. I was blindsided by his words. Though, I should’ve seen this coming. Mango married a completely different woman – the woman he dated and married may have breastfed, but only for a short time. She may have brought the baby in bed but only for the first few weeks. She may have worn the baby in a sling, but again, just while the baby was tiny. But what was this “new” woman doing? WHO was this woman? Clearly, I had changed. Or at the very least I changed the rules. So, what now?

I know that my decisions are not “mainstream” and not how Mango’s friends parent. And yes, their children “are just fine”. But I believe that what works for some families doesn’t necessarily work for all. I really and truly believe that attachment parenting and all the things that go along with it work for us and are right for Tangerine.

Mango is an amazing person. He is so loving and giving. He’s funny and sarcastic. He’s extremely smart and is knowledgable on a whole range of subjects. He is one of those people you just love to be around – just being in his company makes you happy. Take all of those wonderful qualities and multiply them by about 100 and that’s how Mango is as a husband. Then multiply that again by about 1000 and that’s the kind of dad that Mango is. He wants the best for his family. He sacrifices every single hour of every single day of every single week. He works two full-time jobs. Both are manual labor jobs (i.e. physically strenuous) and affords him very little time to sleep, less time with his family and virtually no time for him chill, play video games, hang out with friends, etc. So having him read some of the information that I have read that convinced me to parent the way I do, is just out of the question. I try to tell him that Tangerine will not be clingy – that studies have proven (and real life families have shown) that children who co-sleep, were worn and were breastfed for an extended period of time are actually extremely independent and confident. I try to explain how Tangerine will not always be attached to my hip. I want him to see what I see, and know what I know. But how do I do this?

I know that he wants to be (and should be) involved in all the parenting decisions that are made regarding Tangerine. I truly believe that if he read what I’ve read and saw some “end results” from other families, that he, too, would be convinced. I know that he only wants what is best for our daughter, that we both do. But how do I make him “come around” when I’ve changed the rules? How do we reach a compromise when I’ve changed?

I love Mango very much. I love Tangerine more than life itself. But I also don’t want to leave my husband out of the picture. He’s far from being a bystander, yet I know he feels that way. How do I include him without compromising what I feel is best for our daughter?

I’ve certainly changed. But can I change the rules so that they work for all three of us?

{February 22, 2010} “The Financial Balancing Act” or “Organics – To Buy or Not to Buy?”

Thank you to my readers, for all of your comments to my last two blogs. I really appreciate your thoughts and ideas.

Friday night, we added another dog to the family. A dear friend had to get rid of her 14 year old Husky Strawberry. Since we already have a (very hyper) 4 year old Husky Jicama, I figured, why not take in this old girl?

Well, Strawberry is a love. However, she’s definitely an “old lady” – she moves very slowly and is deaf. She’s so calm in comparison to Jicama and the two of them get along very well. Jicama even seems calmer since her arrival. There is only one little issue – she is totally incontinent. She has been peeing ALL over the house. So, the first night, Mango just grabbed a bottle of chemicals to clean it up - an old bottle that we had lying around under the sink.

In my previous life of “whatever goes”, I never would’ve given it a second thought. But now that Tangerine is in our lives, I give everything second and third and fourth thoughts! Since it was evident that this peeing situation wasn’t going to be a once or twice event, I knew I had to do something to protect my baby from the smell and use of chemicals and at the same time also save my carpet!

So Saturday morning I ventured into our local health food store. As I walked in, I breathed in the sweet smell of, well, nothing! No chemicals, perfumes, etc. And it was wonderful! I smiled at the clerks who were all decked out in organic cotton T-shirts and jeans. I felt a little self conscious as I realized I was wearing my genuine blue leather jacket. However, I soon felt right at home as I picked out some natural hand soap, organic oats and organic sweet potatoes to make food for Tangerine, and browsed several other all natural products. How nice to see products with ingredient lists I could pronounce! I then checked out the pet section and found the perfect natural odor and carpet cleaner – “Bac-Out” Foaming action stain and odor eliminator made by Biokleen. It’s completely natural, non-toxic and biodegradable. You can find out more about this product from the company’s website http://biokleenhome.com/. For our purposes, it is great. Our carpet is NOT stained – yay! And even more important is there is no harsh smell from the product – it’s just a very light citrus smell…basically what you’d smell if you squeezed a lemon.

When I came home, Mango wasn’t too pleased with the $7.99 hand soap I purchased or the fact that this cleaner cost $10.99. He’s not wrong. I’m unemployed and he works his tail off between two full time jobs and we’re barely making ends meet and then I spend “all this money”. But at the same time, I’m doing this for the health of our daughter and our family. Research is constantly emerging at how all of these chemicals (even the ones that say “safe for children and pets”) are dangerous to our health. They cause allergies, asthma and even cancer! The only sure way to protect oneself is to use natural and organic products.

As the mom, I feel it’s my duty to read up on the latest research and make sure that my family is eating healthy and using the healthiest products. So how do I balance healthy and safety with cost? How do you do you it? Please share some of your thoughts and ideas. I’d love to hear your experiences and how you balance it all out.

{February 16, 2010} Co-Sleeping & the Family Bed

Hello, Again. I hope you enjoyed my little introduction the other day. Today, I am back to discuss co-sleeping.

Before I begin, though, I’d like to clarify something about the name of my blog – “Embracing My Inner Hippy”. Yes, I know that the conventional way of spelling the word meaning “a usually young person who rejects the mores of established society” (taken from www.webster.com) is spelled “Hippie”. However, Hippy is a legitimate alternate spelling which I have purposely chosen so that my blog stands out.

Now, that I have cleared that up, I’d like to get back to my topic – co-sleeping and the family bed. I’m sure most of you have heard about co-sleeping. Though, for some, it may conjure up an image of irresponsible parents who are risking their children’s lives with the possibility of suffocation and various maladies; more of you, however, recognize it as one of the safest and comforting ways to bed your baby, toddler and family. There have been numerous studies showing that co-sleeping (as long as following some safety guidelines and common sense) is as safe as, if not more so, than placing your baby in a crib. Family bed “graduates” are more independent and socially adept as a whole, than those who were forced to sleep solo. By having all of one’s needs met and having one’s parents right there throughout the night provides the infant, toddler, etc. with the confidence to venture out more securely into the world. Plus, co-sleepers get better rest during the night and babies cry less, if at all, than their crib-sleeping counter parts. I’m not going to go into any more definitions as there are numerous wonderful books on the subject. This decision is a personal one that must be made within a family. Though it is right for a lot of people, I acknowledge that it’s not right for all . However, I can already testify to how wonderful this decision has been for our family.

Currently, we have an Arms Reach co-sleeper attached to my side of our queen sized bed. Having this little side cart made me more comfortable when Tangerine was a newborn as I was too afraid that I’d inadvertently smother her with my pillow or blanket – she was so teeny. However, now that she has full head and neck control, is a whopping 20 lbs and almost 8 months old, I take her right into bed with us. She likes it MUCH better than being in the side cart as she’s right next to me, listening to my breathing and heart beating. I like it better too, because I can nurse her while laying down – so both of us barely wake up when she needs to nurse and we both have a great night’s sleep.

I wish I could mention that Mango also has a great night’s rest, but my poor husband works two full-time jobs and is hardly ever in bed for more than 3 hours at a time. So his lack of sleep has nothing to do with our bedding arrangements. Though, I have to say, on the occasions when his schedule affords him to spend the entire night in bed, I love falling asleep and waking up surrounded by my two loves.

As Tangerine is getting older and more mobile, I’m worried she’ll roll off the bed. I’m currently looking into a few different long-term options. One is getting a rail for the side of the bed. Another option is taking the mattress off of the frame and away from the head and foot boards and placing it directly on the floor. This way, if she were to roll off she wouldn’t have far to go and wouldn’t get hurt from a short drop to our carpeted floor. I’m actually leaning to the latter option. However, I’m not sure how it will look in the bedroom, how it will feel (being so low to the ground) nor how my husband will appreciate it.

I still have a little while before I need to implement a new arrangement. Tangerine is still perfectly safe in our bed. She currently doesn’t roll over (a topic for another blog entry) and the co-sleeper (which accommodates a baby up to 30 lbs) is still attached so that if she were to roll over, she’d roll right into that and not on the floor.

I’m curious what others are doing. How do YOU co-sleep? What does your family bed look like? How does it work? Please comment with your advice and feedback!

As a final thought, having a family bed does NOT affect our, ahem, “romantic” life. We just have found creative ways to have one that doesn’t involve the baby in the bed/room with us.

{February 14, 2010} Hello World!

Welcome to my blog. For the sake of some anonymity, I’ll refer to myself as “Apricot”, my husband as “Mango”, my daughter as “Tangerine” and my dog as “Jicama”.

I’m a 34-year-old woman and this is my first attempt at a blog. I’m also a new mom who has been blessed with a beautiful daughter who is almost 8 months old.

I’ve always thought of myself as an average American woman. I went to college, graduated and started working in corporate America. I’ve always enjoyed all the luxuries that life and living in the U.S. has had to offer – tv, computer, cell phone, iPod, video consoles, etc. I have a shoe collection that would rival Imelda Marcos and have a closet full of clothes. Since middle school I’ve helped deplete the ozone layer with my mandatory daily use of massive amounts of hairspray. Life was pretty good.

Then in June 2009, I gave birth to the most wonderful baby ever. And my whole world changed. Life was no longer “pretty good” but absolutely amazing. Not only was Tangerine born, but a mother was born that day as well. My heart swelled so much – I never knew I could feel so much love and emotion. With each day, it continues to expand and love her even more. Along with this new found love, I started reading and questioning everything. I started to think about more than just myself and my comforts.

I want to do everything in my power so that Tangerine has a healthy and wonderful life. I slowly have started to embrace my “inner hippy”. I exclusively breastfeed my daughter. We enjoy co-sleeping. I wear my babe every chance I have. Even though finances are very tight, I am now a stay at home mom. (Much love and appreciation to Mango who works 2 full-time jobs so that I may stay home and raise Tangerine.) I have slowly started buying organic products for the family (when we can afford it) and I use exclusively organic fruits and veggies that I mash-up for Tangerine to enjoy.

The things that were once so important to me (like not leaving the house without make up on) have taken a back seat. Along with my love for my daughter, I have a newfound love for our earth, nature and the simple things.

I’m not saying I’ve giving up everything – I breastfeed T in one arm and type on my laptop with the other! On inclement days when I cannot walk outside, I put on “Nick Jr.” for Tangerine and walk on my treadmill. But I’m not the same person I was a year ago.

A few weeks ago, Mango’s best friend’s daughter turned a year old. We went to her birthday party and as usual, I wore my little Tangerine. However, since we actually were “going out” I decided to put on make up, skinny jeans and cute little boots, and not my usual attire of t-shirt, sweats, sans make up. Mango turned to me and said, “Your boots say “Yuppy” but your wrap says “Hippy”. That statement describes me very well at this point in my life.

I’m embarrassed to say that some of my current beliefs were things that I scoffed at about others in the past. “They co-sleep? The entire family? Pft.” Or, “They prefer only wooden toys and organic cottons for their little ones (as oppose to mass-produced plastics made in other countries with high levels of lead, BPA’s and various other contaminants) ? That’s so silly.” I apologize for any ill thoughts I’ve ever had towards others with “different” ideas. I have become open to so much more in life now – ideas, beliefs, parenting styles, etc.

I want my daughter to be a good person. She will get that (I hope) from me setting a good example. Though, I might not believe the same as the next guy, or my parenting style may differ, I try hard to not be judgemental because one of the lessons that I wish to pass on to Tangerine is to be loving and accepting of everybody even if they are different from you. Plus, as I’ve learned, you never know when things you “poo-pahhed” before will be something you embrace later on!

I think I’ve rambled on enough for now. Thanks for reading and please comment and share your thoughts.

In the coming weeks, I plan to start to teach myself how to sew, do some meditating and start “signing” with Tangerine. I hope to blog about it all.

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